My hand turned me down
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
