I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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