It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
