Sober January is a disaster.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
