and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
