i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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