seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
