Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
