there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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