it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
