I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
