Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
