I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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