I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
