I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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