I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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