I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
