I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
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I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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