he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
