well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
