I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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