Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
