So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
