The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
