You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
