I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
