so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
