after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
