genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
