you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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