4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
