Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
