I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
