you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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