He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
