I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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