i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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