I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think people are normalizing furries
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
