Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
