Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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