that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
