He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
