I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
