so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
