Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
