After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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