I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
