i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
