The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
