Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
