I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
