She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
