I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
