i love accidental penises.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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