I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
