on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
