I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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