Will you blow on my dice?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
