i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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