is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
