i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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