I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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