seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
